Bandwagon

I just read a post by Susan about not having it all together. It was written because friends of her's had recently written about not having it all together. Tonight, I'm jumping on the bandwagon, and I'm writing about not having it all together, but...

It's going to be different.

Why?

Because I could have it all together.

I'm hiding. I'm hiding from my responsibilities because I'm afraid at failing. If I don't try, I can't fail. I scrape by. I do just enough. My excuse? I'm tired.

Of course I'm tired! I have three children under the age of three. They are boys... and they are all boy.

Yes, the twins are only seven months old. That may seem like an innocent enough age, but you have no idea. They are creative. They are sneaky. They are mean! They pinch and poke and hit one another. They steal each other's paci and toys. When Hayden makes too much noise, Cooper laughs hysterically and Lucas cries like he just saw the Devil himself.

Lucas is... sensitive. He startles easily and is typically the first to cry. He wakes early and takes his time in falling asleep. He can roll over, but he chooses not to; he's lazy. He loathes his excersaucer and his jumperoo. He prefers to sit on the floor and play with his toys. When he falls over, by choice or by accident, he expects me to immediately come to his rescue and help him back up. He bites during nursing, and when I say "No!" he rolls his bottom lip out and breaks my heart with the pout, which always precedes the saddest cry you've ever heard. His smile will warm your heart and he very forceful about giving "hugs" and sloppy kisses. He is my Lucas.

Cooper is mischief. Plain and simple. He laughs at everything. He rolls and scoots and finds his way around. I've caught him behind the entertainment center chewing on wires. His latest "game" is crawling to the fire place and playing with the screen (it's the furthest he's gotten before Hayden says, "No Brother! Yuck!"). He steals his brother's paci, even if he has his own. He must grab at whatever you have: drink, food, phone, computer, paper, pen, EVERYTHING! He has the cutest little crooked grin and an ear-piercing cry. He is my Cooper.

Hayden has an aversion to the word "no". He makes as much noise as possible, at all times of the day. He hates to go to sleep, for fear that he will miss something important. He loves his brothers so very much and showers them with affection. He doesn't realize that the twins are not as big as he is, nor as durable, and he is often playing too rough with them (or just trying to hit, kick, or sit on them). He loves to share his food with them, even if it is a CheezeIt that I end up digging out Cooper's throat. He likes to say "Mommy" over and over and over and over until I want to scream, at which point he smiles and says, "Luss you." He is the sweetest, smartest, funniest little boy I've ever known. He is my Hayden.

They are amazing and perfect, but they never stop. I am always tending to one of them, and on the rare occasion that I'm not, there is a mess to clean up or laundry to do. My job is never-ending.

Most days, I am lucky to get a hug and a kiss from Michael in between all of the "child tending" that goes on of an evening. I rarely get a "thank you" unless it's from Hayden who knows Mommy likes manners.

BUT... that's changing. Since I broke my foot, housework isn't easy, and Michael has gladly taken up the slack. This is the biggest and best "thank you" he could give me. Tonight, I made mention to how great I think it is that someone voluntarily fed our twins their solids (no easy feat as they like to make it as difficult as possible) when they didn't have to. Michael replied that it's even more impressive when they are your kids. He then told me that everything I do for all of our kids, every single day, is amazing. It brings tears to my eyes just to type it.

Even if the "thanks" are few and far between, they may my job worth it. They make me want to get it all together, and to keep it all together.

I have a mountain of laundry to fold, and a sink full of dishes to wash, and three little boys who require my attention... so I'll get it all done, and I'll even try to keep a smile on my face while I do it.

I'll smile, because I'm not alone in this journey, and thankfully, Susan reminded me of that :)