For the past year and a half, Michael and I have been trying desperately to buy a house. We need a house. We need space for the three growing giants we call children. We need a yard for said giants to go out and play and absorb vitamin D the all-natural way. We need a kitchen that is big enough for two adults to stand it and not bump into each other at every turn.
We've finally found a great house. A perfect house. A house that is within our price range and actually meets all of our picky criteria. Okay, not all of it. There is one big flaw. People live in the house! No, not the owners. Renters. Renters who have a lease through March of next year. If we purchase this house, it is listed as "rental property" which means our loan will not cover it. Perfect house isn't so perfect anymore.
Michael said he feels selfish because he is insisting that the home we buy has a bonus room or finished basement. Well, it is a little selfish, but I understand why he wants it. I want it, too. I don't, however, want to continue living in a second story apartment until the perfect vacant house becomes available.
End rant.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
What's in a name?
Shakespeare had it all wrong. A name, or a title to be more accurate, is pretty important in some situations.
This past weekend, Michael and I had a kid-free night and went out on a date. Our server at the restaurant was a girl he was in band with in high school.
He never introduced us. Why? Because he didn't know what to call me.
We seem to be hitting this snag a lot lately. When we are speaking of our relationship to one another, we call each other "spurse". Close to "spouse" but not quite. We have agreed that we are not "boyfriend/girlfriend". Personally, I've always hated those words. We are much, much more than that. We aren't married, so "husband/wife" isn't appropriate either.
The confession came out. He typically calls me his wife when speaking to other people. Hearing him refer to me as his wife made me realize just how important that particular title is to me. I'm not his wife, and I don't want to be his "pretend wife".
I really thought I was okay with us not being married, but since that conversation, I find myself wanting to be his real wife more than ever. For the first time, I fully grasp just how complicated our situation is and I don't think I like it.
This past weekend, Michael and I had a kid-free night and went out on a date. Our server at the restaurant was a girl he was in band with in high school.
He never introduced us. Why? Because he didn't know what to call me.
We seem to be hitting this snag a lot lately. When we are speaking of our relationship to one another, we call each other "spurse". Close to "spouse" but not quite. We have agreed that we are not "boyfriend/girlfriend". Personally, I've always hated those words. We are much, much more than that. We aren't married, so "husband/wife" isn't appropriate either.
The confession came out. He typically calls me his wife when speaking to other people. Hearing him refer to me as his wife made me realize just how important that particular title is to me. I'm not his wife, and I don't want to be his "pretend wife".
I really thought I was okay with us not being married, but since that conversation, I find myself wanting to be his real wife more than ever. For the first time, I fully grasp just how complicated our situation is and I don't think I like it.
Waving Babies and Resourceful Toddlers
My children never fail to amaze me. Last week, when I said "Hi" to Lucas one day, he raised his hand as if to wave. I brushed it off as just a coincidence, albeit an adorable one!
Today, after the twins were finished nursing and we were just snuggling, Cooper looks up at me and full on waves. When I waved back and asked him to do it again, he just laughed and laughed and laughed.
My boys can wave! They can barely sit. They don't even know crawling exists, yet they can wave! Absolutely incredible.
Now to my resourceful two-year-old. He came into the bedroom and asked to get on the bed with the twins and I while I nursed. I don't let him do this, as he is a major distraction to C&L and they prefer to watch him play than to eat. I told him he couldn't get up there, so he went to living room, emptied his basket of balls, brought the basket in the bedroom, turned it upside down, and climbed up on the bed. Even a toddler knows that "where there's a will, there's a way"!
Today, after the twins were finished nursing and we were just snuggling, Cooper looks up at me and full on waves. When I waved back and asked him to do it again, he just laughed and laughed and laughed.
My boys can wave! They can barely sit. They don't even know crawling exists, yet they can wave! Absolutely incredible.
Now to my resourceful two-year-old. He came into the bedroom and asked to get on the bed with the twins and I while I nursed. I don't let him do this, as he is a major distraction to C&L and they prefer to watch him play than to eat. I told him he couldn't get up there, so he went to living room, emptied his basket of balls, brought the basket in the bedroom, turned it upside down, and climbed up on the bed. Even a toddler knows that "where there's a will, there's a way"!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Guilt.
Since having Hayden I have learned so much about parenting (obvious, I know!). Everything we did with him was an experiment in a way.
Trying out every brand of disposable diapers out there, and discovering that huggies contain forceful poops much better than pampers. We also learned that even week old babies can blow-out a diaper... and leak all over their daddies :)
Trying out every brand of formula because he was so gassy. Infamil made him so gassy, he did nothing but cry. Infamil Gentle-Ease (and it's Target generic) took away the gas, but made him so constipated, all he did was cry. Good Start Supreme took away his gas issues, and let him poop with ease. Good Start reaches gold standard in our opinion.
Breastfeeding was not easy and it doesn't just "come naturally". Introducing a bottle too early will make baby become lazy and refuse the breast. Using a cheap pump will not produce results. Not pumping as often as baby eats will not produce enough to feed baby.
It seems like everything we did with Hayden, we're doing differently with the twins. We're doing it right this time. Better. I feel guilty about this because I feel like Hayden lost out. I feel like I'm a better mom this time around.
We've been using huggies since the boys moved to size 2 diapers. Pampers Swaddlers worked better for them in the beginning since they were so little. Now we are about to make the transition to cloth. Cloth is MUCH cheaper and, from the looks of it, pretty easy. It also goes without saying, cloth is much better for our environment. I never even considered cloth for Hayden. I kind of wish I had.
I wasn't able to breastfeed Hayden and it bothered me for a long time. I tried to exclusively pump but I didn't know what I was doing. My ignorance was my downfall. I learned that it's very important for first-time breastfeeders to work closely with a good lactation consultant. The one had I with Hayden wasn't very helpful, and didn't call back when we had our crisis of him refusing to latch. With the twins, the lactation consultant met with me every day we were in the hospital. She and the nurses showed me how to correct a poor latch and really helped me get comfortable feeding the twins. I'm very glad that I'm still able to breastfeed them both. It's something I really enjoy, and it's made it easier to bond with both babies. Still, part of me feels that I've cheated Hayden, and that makes me feel awful.
With Hayden, we started solids right before 4 months. I feel like I rushed him a bit, but he took to them right away and did great. I never thought about making his baby food; he was 100% a Gerber Baby. It just seemed so pointless and time consuming. Now, I only use homemade baby food for the twins (unless we are out) and it's great! It's cheap, it's easy, and I actually enjoy the time I get to spend making it. I don't feel that it is any better for my babies than Gerber foods, especially since Gerber runs their own farms and so their produce is probably better monitored than the foods I buy.
Then, there is part of me that thinks I'm doing something wrong with the twins. I know that every baby is different, but I can't help but compare. By 4 months, Hayden was sleeping 14 hours every night, without waking at all. By 6 months he was sitting independently and starting to crawl. Cooper rolls everywhere, but hasn't even attempted to get on all fours. Lucas rolls when he has too, but no more than that. You can forget about crawling, as I think he's content to lie on his back until he's 2. Both can sit for a few seconds, but throw themselves backward and just don't really "get" the whole balance thing. They are nearly 7 months old! I feel like they are behind, and I feel like it's somehow my fault.
I feel like the twins get so much more from me than Hayden did because I worked full-time when he was a baby. I know he is getting that time with me now, but I don't feel that it's enough. I just want the very best for my kids. I know that I've done all that I can for them, but part of me feels like that isn't enough.
Geez. Talk about Mommy Guilt.
Trying out every brand of disposable diapers out there, and discovering that huggies contain forceful poops much better than pampers. We also learned that even week old babies can blow-out a diaper... and leak all over their daddies :)
Trying out every brand of formula because he was so gassy. Infamil made him so gassy, he did nothing but cry. Infamil Gentle-Ease (and it's Target generic) took away the gas, but made him so constipated, all he did was cry. Good Start Supreme took away his gas issues, and let him poop with ease. Good Start reaches gold standard in our opinion.
Breastfeeding was not easy and it doesn't just "come naturally". Introducing a bottle too early will make baby become lazy and refuse the breast. Using a cheap pump will not produce results. Not pumping as often as baby eats will not produce enough to feed baby.
It seems like everything we did with Hayden, we're doing differently with the twins. We're doing it right this time. Better. I feel guilty about this because I feel like Hayden lost out. I feel like I'm a better mom this time around.
We've been using huggies since the boys moved to size 2 diapers. Pampers Swaddlers worked better for them in the beginning since they were so little. Now we are about to make the transition to cloth. Cloth is MUCH cheaper and, from the looks of it, pretty easy. It also goes without saying, cloth is much better for our environment. I never even considered cloth for Hayden. I kind of wish I had.
I wasn't able to breastfeed Hayden and it bothered me for a long time. I tried to exclusively pump but I didn't know what I was doing. My ignorance was my downfall. I learned that it's very important for first-time breastfeeders to work closely with a good lactation consultant. The one had I with Hayden wasn't very helpful, and didn't call back when we had our crisis of him refusing to latch. With the twins, the lactation consultant met with me every day we were in the hospital. She and the nurses showed me how to correct a poor latch and really helped me get comfortable feeding the twins. I'm very glad that I'm still able to breastfeed them both. It's something I really enjoy, and it's made it easier to bond with both babies. Still, part of me feels that I've cheated Hayden, and that makes me feel awful.
With Hayden, we started solids right before 4 months. I feel like I rushed him a bit, but he took to them right away and did great. I never thought about making his baby food; he was 100% a Gerber Baby. It just seemed so pointless and time consuming. Now, I only use homemade baby food for the twins (unless we are out) and it's great! It's cheap, it's easy, and I actually enjoy the time I get to spend making it. I don't feel that it is any better for my babies than Gerber foods, especially since Gerber runs their own farms and so their produce is probably better monitored than the foods I buy.
Then, there is part of me that thinks I'm doing something wrong with the twins. I know that every baby is different, but I can't help but compare. By 4 months, Hayden was sleeping 14 hours every night, without waking at all. By 6 months he was sitting independently and starting to crawl. Cooper rolls everywhere, but hasn't even attempted to get on all fours. Lucas rolls when he has too, but no more than that. You can forget about crawling, as I think he's content to lie on his back until he's 2. Both can sit for a few seconds, but throw themselves backward and just don't really "get" the whole balance thing. They are nearly 7 months old! I feel like they are behind, and I feel like it's somehow my fault.
I feel like the twins get so much more from me than Hayden did because I worked full-time when he was a baby. I know he is getting that time with me now, but I don't feel that it's enough. I just want the very best for my kids. I know that I've done all that I can for them, but part of me feels like that isn't enough.
Geez. Talk about Mommy Guilt.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Return!
I haven't even logged into my blog since Tammy died. Part of me was afraid to see her blog and read it... and end up crying even more. I just needed a week (ok, a little more than that :)) to regroup. But I am back, with every intention of keeping this thing updated!
Took C&L to their 6 month check up a few weeks back.
Cooper- 17lbs7oz & 27.75"
Lucas- 17lb4oz & 27.75"
They are staying pretty close in their sizes, which is great for me as I don't have babies wearing two different sizes of clothing. Cooper had his big growth spurt after he was born, but he needed it to catch up with his chunky brother.
Lucas is finally rolling around a little. After I threatened him with Early Intervention (on two seperate occassions) he rolled both ways (after both threats!). So I just need to threaten him on a daily basis to get him moving. Excellent.
Hayden was moved into a big boy bed (!!!!) last week. It's going great so far. I'm really proud of him. The first two nights he cried for a few minutes when we left him, but settled down shortly. The next two nights went over great. He just smiled at us and said "night, night". Last night he passed out on the couch and had to be moved to his bed, so that was just cute :).
Took C&L to their 6 month check up a few weeks back.
Cooper- 17lbs7oz & 27.75"
Lucas- 17lb4oz & 27.75"
They are staying pretty close in their sizes, which is great for me as I don't have babies wearing two different sizes of clothing. Cooper had his big growth spurt after he was born, but he needed it to catch up with his chunky brother.
Lucas is finally rolling around a little. After I threatened him with Early Intervention (on two seperate occassions) he rolled both ways (after both threats!). So I just need to threaten him on a daily basis to get him moving. Excellent.
Hayden was moved into a big boy bed (!!!!) last week. It's going great so far. I'm really proud of him. The first two nights he cried for a few minutes when we left him, but settled down shortly. The next two nights went over great. He just smiled at us and said "night, night". Last night he passed out on the couch and had to be moved to his bed, so that was just cute :).
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